A child's cry
Most children can't understand the meaning of Death. Their thoughts are not developed enough to process and accept its changes and finality. Existence continues but they long for the life they once knew by hoping that soon their parent will come back to them. Repeatedly their dreams are shattered, when again and again that parent isn't there to kiss them goodnight.
As their mind works to understand the reason for them leaving, changes continue to take places causing even more confusion. Suddenly they are exposed to new faces, new places and even the same is now somehow different. Soon they start to wonder how this parent, who seemed to love them so much, could leave them. Tearful promises to be good are made in hopes that they will return, but they never do. The child notices the changes in the people around them as they themselves try to deal with the hurt and loss they are feeling. But this hurt and loss felt by others is often expressed in anger, which the child thinks is being directed towards them and they began to feel at fault for their parent's death.
By being good they try their best to make things right again so their parent will come back home, but again they fail. The feeling of guilt mixed with the feeling of failure causes the child to feel ashamed of what they have done and they withdraw deep within themselves. They long to hide from the world in an effort to not feel, or again cause the pain that is felt so strongly by everyone around them. They become timid and shy in hopes of fading into the background so no one will find out how evil they really are.
Nights are spent lying in the dampness of silent tears that continue to fall, always haunting their thoughts of loving or being loved. Soon they began to feel unworthy of receiving love, but mostly they feel that they are unable to give love. They vow that they will never be hurt again and spend their life trying to avoid the love that was once felt so much. They guard their hearts, longing for a life of loneliness to save them from hurting. Unknowingly they punish themselves by blocking out the signs that love does exist in their lives. If by chances love is ever felt, caution kicks in and causes them to subconsciously drive a wedge between them and the receptor of their love. They hope to drive them away before it is to late, but it is always to late and the feeling of loss is felt once more. This drives them deeper into themselves as they try to hide their love from the world. Little do they know that this same love that draws people to them is eventually what drives them away. Some people are daring enough to venture past the friendship in hopes of receiving all the hidden love they see, but most are turned away. The lucky ones who offer and expect nothing but friendship are rewarded with kindness and the promise of always being there when needed, but seldom are they allowed to return this gift.
Maybe someday the child inside will find a person who is strong enough to break down the walls that have been built to protect them from the hurt. Someone, who’s enduring enough to pursue the love despite the torment and the torture that is thrust upon them from the hurting child inside. Someone to finally release the love that’s been bottled up for so long, then after setting it free, basting in it's flow as it surrounds them. Knowing that they must accept it all with only one condition, that the love they receive will always be cherished as the priceless gift that it is. Giving the child a chance at a new world, a new life, one that can be spent without fear of sharing their love.
The child waits inside, hiding the tears from the world and hoping each day that they will soon be set free. Longing to release from their hearts years of guilt, hurt and love that's been hidden so long. Each night they pray for that special someone who will be strong enough, loving enough and patient enough to accept them for who they are and teach them that they are worthy of being loved. Waiting, they live their life in the darkness of the past, praying for the light of love.
Copyright 1995 BAHumbert
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